I’m not sure who’s idea it was, though certainly not mine. I was staying at a friend’s, Andy, and Stu and another Andy (Joyce) were on the way over with their bikes, decided destination: The Welsh Border (and back). Since my bike was at home, and to be fair, not a road-bike, I agreed to use Andy’s dad’s bike.
Occasional Top Gear challenges involve driving from one side of a country to another, the presenters will argue about who’s car is best for the challenge, while in the background a totally inappropriate car is waiting by, this is the forfeit car which they must drive if their own car breaks down beyond repair. For this ride to Wales, I was that vehicle. The first thing I noticed was the huge saddle, it had a slight wobble about it, but still looked extremely comfortable. I’d always wondered why bike saddles are so thin and hard, and I soon learnt why. The chain was a little rusty, but the main problem was it was so slack. A tyre split at the valve as we were pumping topping it up, and the outers had very little tread left. The worst bit by far though, was the gearing, it was like nothing I’d ever seen before. Wikipedia tells me they’re called “down-tube shifters“, pulling the lever changes gear as you’d expect, quite instantaneously too, but to which one you just don’t know, as there is no clicking or grooving into place (though they did make a tremendous coughing sound), you just sort of guess. Keeping my eyes on the road, actually finding the gear levers meant slapping around on the frame, by the time I found them, it was time to switch back to the gear I’d just come from. This was providing the loose chain didn’t slip off in the first place.
Besides the coughing, the rear wheel made a tapping sound every turn, and the breaks laughed at me every time I tried to use them, on top of that I developed a grunt on every stroke. NOW I know why saddles are so thin and hard. The width of it meant it rubbed against both thighs, occasionally trapping more than just fabric, and I’m not just on about the occasional nerve (sending sharp, shooting pains to unnecessary and unfair places) either.
My hands also suffered from the ride. The handlebars had nothing more than black tape for grip, and in some areas, were bare metal, leaving no shock absorption for the hands which were having to hold on tighter just to be able to grip the bars, so now as I type I have a nice red callus stripe across each palm.
So now I’ve come to appreciate cycle design, mysteries I’ve always wondered about have been solved in a single ride, though there’s still one thing left. Why do road cyclists still insist on not using suspension? Sure it adds weight, but there is nothing fun about travelling 30-40mph down a hill, and feeling every single tiny bump, especially when the tyres are made to be rock solid, and thin enough to actually drop into every possible gap (drainage covers) at the same time.